Weight Gain For No Reason

Sometimes I go to my weekly Weight Watchers weigh-in fully expecting to lose weight, only to find out after stepping on the scale that I've inexplicably gained.

This is one of those weeks.

It's frustrating because I did EVERYTHING "right". I stayed within my points, I was relatively active, I drank a ton of water and ate fruit and veggies every day.

So why did I gain?

Well, after sticking with Weight Watchers for well over a year, I have learned that sometimes, it just happens. Sometimes you do everything you're supposed to do and you still fail. Sometimes you eat exactly what you're supposed to eat and you still gain weight.

The good news is that I'm not giving up--not even close. I'm going to keep going, keep tracking, and hope for a better number next week.

The bad news is that I'm still at the same weight that I was before Thanksgiving. After gaining .4 pounds this week, I'm back up to 210.8. Two months of sticking to Weight Watchers has netted me a total GAIN of 1.6 pounds. Okay, I didn't really "stick" to Weight Watchers because I went over my points almost every week for those two months. But I did track everything, and I was active, and I did show more restraint around food than I ever did before. So here I am, 1/22/14, and I weigh 1.6 pounds more than I did on 11/20/13.

However, I weighed 279.6 pounds the week before Thanksgiving in 2012. So I weigh 68.8 pounds less than I did on 11/20/12.

That's something at least!

Back On Track

After several weeks of exceeding my Weight Watchers Points (like, by 50 Points! That's like just eating an entire pie, with toppings!) I finally managed to stay mostly within my allotment for the week. Okay, to be honest, I counted two hours of walking yesterday just so I wouldn't go over, even though my 'walking' was really taking an extremely slow shuffling tour of a Masonic temple with some elderly people, one of whom was wearing a prosthetic leg, so I probably shouldn't have counted this as exercise. But anyway, I stayed close to my Points and it paid off.

Down 3.2 pounds this week! That brings me to 208.8 pounds, down 95.2 from 304 pounds. Slowly but surely, right? I'm getting pretty close to losing 100 pounds, which is pretty awesome for me. Also, while I was at weigh-in, I saw someone who I haven't seen in a year or so and she was amazed at how much I've lost. It's so incredible to have people tell me how great I look! That's something you just don't hear much when you're over 300 pounds.

So even though I'm sitting here with a half-eaten plate of Christmas cookies on my desk, I still feel like I'm back on track. I'm trimming back, counting the Points of everything I eat, and trying to stick to my daily Weight Watchers goals. It's not easy with so much holiday cheer being passed around in the form of calorie-laden treats, but I'm getting much better at saying NO. "No, thanks! That looks great but I'm on Weight Watchers." It was embarrassing last year. Really, at close to 300 pounds (I was making some progress by Christmas last year) I felt like people were laughing at me when I said I was on a diet. I could almost hear them thinking "Sure, this bitch is dieting! I bet she steals cookies when our backs are turned and eats them in the bathroom." But now that I can see so much progress, I feel a little proud to tell people I'm sticking with Weight Watchers and passing on the treats.

I still eat what I want, but my Planned Indulgences list is working wonders for me. I still plan to splurge on some eggnog, one of those Hershey Kiss cookies, a Christmas Snickers when I get my stocking, and the full meal on Christmas Day. But knowing that I'm going to eat that delicious shit soon makes it SO much easier to say "No, thanks!" to the sugar cookies, chocolate covered pretzels, and candied nuts I see every day now.

I'm still hoping to lose a few more pounds before the end of the year, mostly because my work gives us gift cards if we work out enough or lose enough weight to earn one. I'm close but not quite there, and I could really use a $50 Target shopping spree!

As long as Christmas doesn't derail my Weight Watchers train, I should be down a few pounds by New Year's!

The Elephant In The Bathroom

I can no longer say I'm under 250 pounds--my weight bounced back up for a few days and I was at 251.6 at Wednesday's weigh-in.

However...I think I'm back down to 248 or so today, and hopefully still coming down.

This is really embarrassing but I feel like I need to defend myself for getting back over 250 pounds.

I think I was full...of...poop. There, I said it.

My stomach hurt for a couple days, and I was feeling really, really bloated by Monday night. I realized that I hadn't been going to the restroom like my usual, "regular" self (if you know what I mean). So I tried to figure out what was going on, and I remembered that my girlfriend had brought home a box of Fiber One Chocolate Chip Brownies the week before, and I LOVED them. They're only 2 Points each! Amazing!

They're great for breakfast! And they're great with 1 Point worth of whipped cream on top!

And I loved them SO MUCH that I ate two the first night she brought them home.

Then I ate two more the next day.

Then I finished the box. She bought two more boxes...

And then I ate four Fiber One bars in one day.

I mean, that's only eight Points...but that's a LOT of Fiber One bars! Too much of anything is bad, fiber included. Since my regular diet is already pretty high in fiber, I'm afraid I caused some kind of blockage.

See? Embarrassing.

Tuesday night I decided to try an Epsom salt laxative. I mixed two teaspoons of Epsom salt into a cup of water with lemon juice and gulped it down. It was totally gross. Then I waited...and waited...and nothing happened. Seriously. I've never taken a laxative in my life so I didn't know what to expect, but after a few hours I started looking online for people saying Epsom salt didn't work for them. Turns out, if it doesn't work, your colon is probably completely stopped up and you require surgery. I was then 100% convinced that I was suffering from severe fecal impaction and I was going to die. I did NOT want to die from SHIT!

But I didn't want to deal with going to the hospital and missing work (especially after being sick and missing work last week) so I just hoped the Epsom salt would work its magic overnight.

Nope.

By the time I weighed in at Weight Watchers on Wednesday, I felt like a blimp had been inflated inside my abdomen. It was awful. So I was not surprised at all that I had gained weight. (Well, I'd also been watching my weight like a hawk on my stupid scale ever day...stupid fucking scale.)

Wednesday night, my girlfriend brought me home some Milk of Magnesia. I downed four tablespoons and waited. I made dinner and, while it was cooking, I stretched out and poked and prodded at my stomach. I was able to feel my hips and ribs and possibly some organs, which was nice after shedding my 50 pound layer of fat. When dinner was ready, I got about three quarters of the way through eating when I finally jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

I weighed myself afterwards and I was down to 249 pounds again. Whew! Tonight, I'm at 248. I think I could still use a little, erm, "cleaning out"...but at least I don't feel like such a big bloated lump anymore.

I haven't walked for a few days, and my hopes of making it through the 100 Mile March have pretty much vanished. I do want to see how far I can get, though. The treadmill is calling my name. Well, more like whispering, but I'll take it.

And I'll try to hold back on the Fiber One bars.

Under 250 Pounds...FINALLY!

 

I did it! I am under 250 pounds for the first time in around five years!

This is the best birthday present EVER!!!

I actually took today off for my birthday, but I had my girlfriend bring me to work briefly so I could weigh in at Weight Watchers. I knew I had lost this week (according to my lovely new scale, at least) but I wanted a concrete number before I went out for lunch. I needed to decide if I should have a margarita...well, I'm glad I went because I ordered a large margarita and didn't feel bad about it at all :)

I was down 3.2 for the week, for a grand total of 54.8 pounds lost. That brings me down to 249.2 (from my starting weight of 304 on August 8th, 2012).

I was afraid I would never be under 250 pounds again. For so long, I just assumed that I would always be over the maximum weight limit for everything--lawn chairs, step ladders, inflatable rafts, hammock chairs, ziplines. Now I can officially zipline! I can sit in a lawn chair without feeling like it's going to immediately crumble under my weight! This is AWESOME!

Since my Weight Watcher's goal weight was set at 250, it was time for me to pick a new goal. I thought about 243 because that will be a loss of 20% from my starting weight, but I want to be a little more ambitious (without going too wild!). I set it at 225 pounds. That doesn't feel so far away right now, which is why I think it's a good goal, but it's also a LOT mentally.

I haven't been 225 pounds since the summer I graduated high school. I was at 230 pounds at graduation, started the Atkins diet while I was killing time before college, and I got down to just over 210 pounds. Then college started and, well, the Freshman Fifteen hit me hard. I fluctuated between 220 and 240 for years. If I can get under 225 again, I feel like I can go all the way :)

Oh, and today I saw the girl who inspired me to start Weight Watchers--she hit 125 pounds lost! Hey, I'm almost halfway there!

50 Pounds! Celebrate!

Down 3 pounds! Therefore...

I've officially lost more than 50 pounds!!!!!!!

I'm at 252.3 pounds. I've lost a total of 51.7 pounds. So that means...I got my 50 pound token from Weight Watchers!

50 pounds is a LOT! When we went to Cancun, I brought about 20 outfits and 10 pairs of shoes (yes, seriously, and we were only there for four days) and I was certain that my bag was going to be over the weight limit for checked luggage. It was the biggest suitcase I own, and I had to have my girlfriend help me lift it into the cab and onto the scale at the baggage check desk, but it came in at 43 pounds. I lost MORE than my giant suitcase full of crap!

Or, more than an entire bale of hay! (Yes, the list of equivalents is still getting much use.)

I've been looking back through a lot of old pictures, and I can tell a big difference in my face. My cheekbones were hidden for so long, and my chin just sloped down to my chest like a fanny pack of fat strapped around my neck. It's nice to look down without feeling the resistance of my chins squishing back up.

I ordered a pair of tall boots and, although they didn't go all the way up, they went much further up my leg than they would have six months ago! They're slouch boots so I'm keeping them anyway--and when I wore them to work on Thursday, I actually felt a little sexy. That's a far cry from where I was in August, when I hated even waddling down to the mailbox because I was embarrassed of what our neighbors might think.

Now that I'm so close to 250 pounds, I can't wait to hit that goal. I'm glad I hit my 50 pound loss, but getting down below 250 pounds is even more important to me. I remember being 250 pounds. I can't remember being any of the weights I reached from 250 through 304 (and possibly beyond). 250 pounds was always my "panic weight" where I'd freak out and start taking Trim Spa or snorting Adderall until I was back down to 240 or 230.

Now, I'm trying to get to 250 from the other side (the healthy way)--and I'm almost there!

You Win Some, You Gain Some

So...

I gained 4.8 pounds this week.

That's actually not as much as I had feared. I'm back up to 261 pounds, but I've still lost 43 pounds total. I was really hoping to get my 50 pound token soon, so this step backwards sucks. I'm disappointed, but I AM glad I weighed in. Especially with the Cancun trip this weekend--I plan to take full advantage of the bars and buffets (hey, you only live once!) and I want to see realistically how much I gain.

I'm a little freaked out that I won't have my Weight Watchers phone app to track my Points. Since I'll be South of the Border, I'm going to have to rely on the little 360 Points Guide and make sure to track every single gulp of wine and cube of cheese. Yum :) Tracking one glass of alcohol is okay but by drink three, things get a little fuzzy...

One of the other girls going on the trip is also in Weight Watchers with me, and she's not planning to track this weekend. I admire her confidence in herself, but that is NOT for me! If I don't track in Cancun, I might as well go climb back into my fat suit now. I can't get off track. Even with today's setback, I still know I've made it pretty far. I want to keep going. If I let myself binge this weekend, I'll have 48 pounds to work off instead of 4.8.

Also...SWIMMING! I love to swim (LOVE to swim!!!) and the resort has two big pools (WITH a swim-up bar!) and it's directly on the beach. So I'll be romping in the waves, diving in the pool, frolicking around in the ocean--if I'm going to track everything I eat, I'm also going to track all of my Activity Points, dammit!

Maybe I'll earn myself an extra margarita...or five :)

15 Foot Canoe

I have now officially lost the equivalent of...an elephant's heart.

Kind of gross.

Really gross.

Seriously, how is an elephant's heart that big? I can't...I can't even imagine. I like the elephant heart on the right better...

But it's also the equivalent of a 15 foot canoe! That's pretty fucking awesome. Definitely cannot fathom carrying a 15 foot canoe around with me everywhere I went.

I actually lost 5.8 pounds (again) this week, so now I'm officially down to 257.8 pounds from 304, for a total loss of 46.2 pounds. Right on!

I didn't eat very well last week so I'm a little surprised, but I'm just going to accept this as a good thing. Of course I'm overanalyzing it anyway and convincing myself that the loss was due to some other random factor and I'll gain it all back next week. Seriously, though, 5.8 pounds? That's a lot. It's an average Chihuahua. It's almost an entire human's skin. (Yeah, the reference list is proving very helpful.)

I'm especially surprised considering that I found my girlfriend's secret snack drawer. Everything has been stashed in the sponge drawer all along. I don't do dishes so I haven't gotten into that drawer for so long. When I opened the drawer (looking for a Chinese food menu--another poor choice this week, but I was tired and cranky and hungry so don't judge me) I think I could have blacked out for a minute--when my eyes refocused, there was a mound of Snicker's and Hershey Nugget wrappers on the counter and the sweet taste of chocolate in my mouth. I counted them all and tracked them, but I ate a LOT.

Plus, I got another shipment from Macy's (yes, I have a serious addiction to Macy's clearance) and I ordered everything in a 2x again and it all fit perfectly. Yay :) Celebrating the little things right now!

Putting It In Perspective

I've officially lost the equivalent of a five gallon jug of water.

Nice!

At my weigh in today, I had lost 5.8 pounds since last Wednesday. That brings me down to 263.6 and my grand total to 40.4 pounds lost from my 304 pound starting weight.

According to this awesome list, that's also the equivalent of the average human leg. I can't believe it...a whole five gallon jug of water. I can barely lift one of those to put into a water dispenser.

When I lost my first pound on Weight Watchers in August, I went around the house trying to find an equivalent weight for comparison. For the next several pounds, I used water bottles. One bottle of water was just over a pound. That first night, I carried a water bottle around with me and made myself constantly notice just how much weight that was. It was a tangible reminder of what I was beginning, and how much progress I had made already. Just one pound, but it was heavy in my hand.

A few more pounds, a few more water bottles. Within a few weeks, I was coming home on Wednesday nights and gathering up an armload of water bottles to lug around so I could feel how much weight I had shed. One water bottle at a time, it really started to add up.

Then I hit 13 pounds. That's how much my mini pinscher weighs. For a small dog, that little dude is heavy! Draping him over my arm made me tired and sore after five or ten minutes...I couldn't believe I'd carried that much weight on me at all times before then.

Before long, I had lost the equivalent of my dog times two. It was harder to visualize that. 26 pounds. Then I hit 37 pounds and saw what 37 pounds of cat looked like...that's a lot of freaking cat.

My girlfriend told me yesterday about the list linked above. Some of her coworkers are doing a Biggest Loser-style challenge, and one had sent her that list. As of last week's weigh in, I had lost the equivalent of a mid-sized microwave. That's fucking heavy!

It took me some Google digging, but I finally found the source of the list so I could look up today's weight loss total. So far, I lost the equivalent of each of these, in order: a Guinea Pig, a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts, a rack of baby back ribs, an average human brain, an ostrich egg, a Chihuahua, a human’s skin (GROSS!), an average newborn, a human head, chemical additives an American consumes each year (*scary*), an average housecat, a Bald Eagle (whoa), 10 dozen large eggs (wait, seriously? That seems like a shit ton of eggs), a sperm whale’s brain (that's a big brain), an auto tire (holy cow...), amount of pizza an average American eats in a year (mmm pizza), a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream (again, yum), an average 2 year old (a whole kid!), amount of cheese an average American eats in a year (I can say with confidence that I far surpass this amount), a cinder block (heavy.), a mid-size microwave, and now a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg.

That's just...wow. When I think of each of those, I just can't imagine lugging it around with me everyone I went. But I did. No wonder I was so tired all the time. That's a lot of work.

Considering how lazy I was, it's surprising that I was willing to carry all of that extra weight. Well, I guess that's one reason that I did as little 'carrying' as possible, and preferred instead to stay on the couch whenever I could. Now that I've dropped some of the burden, I do feel lighter in many ways. As hard as I tell myself I've been working at this, it really doesn't amount to much more than making sure I track what I eat and being vigilant about measuring out my portions. So it might feel like hard work, but I know for a fact that it's easier than going through life with a five gallon jug strapped to my back. Or a microwave. Or even a two year old child :)

Happy 2013!

If my old non-working scale can be trusted (it cannot) I have gained at least five pounds since my pre-Christmas weigh in. I'm pretty nervous about my Wednesday Weight Watcher's meeting, but I'm ready to finally see what damage I've done. I haven't given in to temptation TOO much (not anything like past Christmas food festivals) but my "Healthy Habits" have fallen to the wayside. I'm leaning on packaged food, candy, and diet cola while eschewing the fruits, veggies, and water I had been so faithfully ingesting. I need to get back on track, but I don't think it'll be too difficult. It's not like I've totally gone off the rails. Some of the girls at my work have stopped tracking for the holidays altogether, but I very sensibly poured my champagne into measuring cups before drinking, and tracked everything that passed my lips, no matter how shameful (cheeseball, anyone?). I wish my new scale would get here, but maybe it's best if I don't know until my meeting.

I'm also nervous about the body tape measure that comes with the scale. I have never been into measuring my body parts, regardless of the number of diets I've tried and failed. I just hate seeing how long that measuring tape is pulled out. It's easier not knowing. Now, though, I'm really curious. Even though my crappy, broken scale is telling me I gained weight, I do feel smaller than I have for years. My girlfriend even commented on feeling the bones in my shoulders. My ankle boots go on comfortably, instead of having to be tugged up over my cankles. So even though the initial numbers might make me a little sick, it will be nice to see those digits shrink as the next weeks and months of 2013 pass by.

And in case anyone cares, I've settled on some resolutions for this upcoming year. I hate odd numbered years, but for some reason I seem to have more New Years Resolution success on odd years. I gave up meat on New Years Eve 2003, gave up cigarettes on New Years Eve 2011, and I haven't touched either since.

2013:

1. Get Healthier. Continuing to eat right, move more, pay more attention to what I put into my body, and treat my body with more respect.

2. Stay Busy. Keep the house clean, do the things I've been putting off, stop wasting time, and keep my body in motion.

3. Get Frisky. Make it a priority to keep my girlfriend satisfied, learn to let go of my body issues and allow myself to be intimate, and use my new energy and healthier body to keep our relationship passionate and playful.

It's worth a shot. I have a whole new year ahead of me--I'd love to be able to stick to these resolutions this time. I started Weight Watchers in August of 2012, and I lost nearly 40 pounds by the end of the year. If I stuck with that (rather ambitious) pace, I'd be able to lose 104 pounds by 2014. That would bring me down to close to 160 pounds. That's crazy to even think about! But at least for now, I'm taking things one day at a time. First I need to survive January 1st at home with lots of time on my hands to cook delicious food. Instead, I'll try to stick to Resolution #2 and keep busy with something besides eating. Then on Wednesday is my weigh-in, and hopefully my scale will come in the mail. And then, one baby step after another. In, of course, the right direction.

Happy New Year!

Here Comes Trouble

I did it. I bought a scale.

I feel like I could be opening Pandora's Box.

It turns out that my fears about normal scales not being able to weigh me were unjustified. Maybe the cheapest analog scales I was looking at when I bought my last scale (which was at Walmart probably ten years ago) didn't go over 250 pounds, but apparently standard digital scales (which were probably out of my $10-$15 budget at the time) go up to 400 pounds. I ordered one on Amazon and it should be here next Wednesday, which also happens to be my next Weight Watchers meeting--this is fortunate because I'll be able to see precisely how different the two scales register.

I tend to be a little obsessive about certain things, and I find it very easy to become obsessive about my weight. When I start a new diet or workout plan, I tend to overdo it and this usually causes me to end it just as quickly as I began. As one of my favorite poets, Edna St. Vincent Millay, wrote, "My candle burns at both ends; it will not last the night; but ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--it gives a lovely light!" After a lifetime of being a Fat Girl, I know all of the rules. Only weigh yourself once a day or once a week and always at the same time; don't eat after 6pm; your plate should consist of mostly vegetables; you need to drink at least eight cups of water a day; etc etc etc ad infinitum. But knowing and doing are two different things, and I always slip into the habit of skipping meals, weighing myself twenty times a day, enjoying the feeling of hunger a little too much, and generally replacing unhealthy habits with different, equally unhealthy habits.

So having a nice scale in the house is going to come with its own set of challenges. Besides my own tendency toward obsessiveness, I'm also anxious about my girlfriend weighing herself and seeing results. I don't want to hear how much she's lost. And I don't want her to become so enamored with losing weight that she begins actively trying--she's losing enough just by eating the healthier suppers I've been making. I know I've already talked about my own issues with her losing weight, and I'm trying to just not think about it and focus on myself, but I can't help it.

Having a scale WILL help me see when I've started to veer off course after a bingeful weekend, and it'll help me get through times like this week when my meeting was cancelled. Not knowing where I stand the week after Christmas is stressing me out, and I won't know exactly what I weigh as I ring in the New Year and make my resolutions. But the shiny new scale should be here on Wednesday, so I have a whole year of healthy living and body changes to look forward to :)

Oh, and the scale comes with a body tape measure...not sure how I feel about that...but I know I better save enough Points for a shot or two of whiskey after I measure myself for the first time!

Numbers Are Confusing

Whoa.

Seriously, WHOA. I was pretty sure I had lost weight this week (especially after getting off the steroids and moving more for a change) but I was stunned to find I lost 7.2 pounds. Seven point two! That's, like, almost a bowling ball. It's over half of my dog's weight. That's the size of a baby! 


37 pounds of cat!

That brings me down to 266.3 pounds for a grand total of 37.7 pounds lost. I am so happy to be in the 260s! I really don't remember being in the 260s. I shot from 235 up to 275 so quickly after my heart surgery that I have no recollection of this weight on my way up. Now I can't wait to get to my next mini goal of 250 (so I can buy a proper scale and possibly go ziplining when I head to Mexico in February).

Speaking of goals, I still haven't decided what I want my final goal weight to be. I don't know if I'm really ready to decide right now. I'm 5' 6 3/4"...I like to think of myself at 5'7" but I'm not sure if I technically count as 5'7" on the healthy weight scale. Wow, it's weird to think of ever being at a 'healthy weight'. I've never been at a healthy weight for my age, even in elementary school. I mean, my license still says I weigh 160 pounds, which was a lie even then (I put 160 on my learner's permit when I was 15, and mercifully no one has made me change it in the last 15 years and multiple lost or renewed licenses--when I was 15, I was 180 and desperately hoped to get down to 160, which clearly did not happen). I'm still a loooooong way off from a healthy weight, but I feel like I'm making so much progress that it might actually happen some day. For a long time, I thought the only way I would ever be a normal size would be through a) weight loss surgery b) a crazy new diet pill or c) magic. Now it seems within reach. Long reach, but still.

According to WeightWatchers.com, a healthy weight at 5'6" is 124-155 pounds, and at 5'7" it's 128-160. So I'm still more than 100 pounds away from being 'healthy', but I'm 37.7 pounds closer! That's something to be happy about. I can't even imagine what my body would look like and feel like within those ranges. 124 seems really tiny--I don't see myself being happy and maintaining a weight that low. But something like 145 would be crazy awesome. I would like to be under 150, but not by much.

 I guess I'll reassess when I get a little closer. For now, baby steps. 250 first, which will be around 20% of my body weight and will earn me another 25 pound token, then probably 225, and then 200. I don't see any harm in sticking with smaller goals right now, because the thought of having more than 100 left to lose is pretty overwhelming. I'm only 16.3 pounds away from my next goal of 250, and after today's weigh in, that seems very do-able!

(FYI: I do NOT hope to lose 7 pounds any other week--I know that's too much. I'd be a little freaked out if I didn't know how much those steroids for my bronchitis messed with me, and if I hadn't gone through that hellish Simply Filling week. Next week, I'm aiming for 1-2 pounds as usual.)

GAIN!

GGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m SO MAD to find that I gained this week! Only .2 pounds, but still. After this week of pure torture, I really thought I had to have lost, like, five pounds. No such luck. 

 

To be fair, .2 is not that bad. And I’ve been on steroids for over a week, so .2 pounds on steroids is especially not bad. But it’s hard to know that all of my deprivation this week was for naught. This does help reinforce what I suspected though: regular Weight Watchers just works for me. Not Simply Filling, but the regular Weight Watchers. I need to have the freedom to choose what I want to eat, and the limits in place with the Points to make sure I don’t eat too much. I need daily Points and weekly Points so I don’t feel like I’m starving every day. It’s been working well, and I can’t argue with success.

 

I’m ready to start this Weight Watchers week with a new appreciation for the Points I get to use each day. I’ve already gone a little overboard this morning (brunch pitch-in was a terrible idea) but I’m more or less on track for the rest of the day. And I finally feel like I can eat what I want again, so I’m less full of rage! Not totally thrilled since I netted a gain this week, but less rage-y. Less rage is always good.

Hangry

I'm rounding out my Simply Filling week with negative eight Points...actually not as bad as I'd feared. I was okay until this evening--I made pineapple upside down cake for a work pitch-in and convinced myself that I had to sample it. The mini muffin versions were only one Point each but, um, I had four of them. That blew me over my 49 Points for the week. Once I crossed that line, it didn't seem so bad to have a cup of the cold, frothy grape juice in the fridge. Turns out that a cup is four freakin Points. Oh well! It was kind of worth it.

Especially after a week of such deprivation. I don't think I've thought this much about food since, like, the State Fair. Mmm, I love the State Fair. I basically just take a shuttle around and eat for eight hours straight. Not this year, though--it was my first month on Weight Watchers, so watch my weight I did. (I acknowledge that was a terrible pun.) This year, I broke it into two days, ate a filling and healthy supper before going, and tasted (but didn't finish) each dish I couldn't live without. I stayed within my Points for the week and still lost weight at the next weigh in. Score!

That's what I hate about the Simply Filling version of Weight Watchers. If I had been on Simply Filling during the State Fair, I would have blown my Points in one day and then stuck to Power Foods exclusively for the rest of the week. That's just not sustainable for my life. Maybe it's easier for carnivores, since there are plenty of meaty options that count as Power Foods. I get, what? Tofu, beans, and vegetarian patties. I can't stand vegetarian patties. I LOVE black bean burgers, but they're three Points. Seriously! I understand them being three Points on the regular Weight Watchers plan, but I 100% think they should count as a Power Food. If I could have eaten black bean burgers for zero Points this week, I probably could have lived through it without quite so much bitching. Some bitching, yes. But less. And I wish I could have eaten low fat cheese instead of fat free. And wheat bread instead of reduced-calorie bread. Sorry, done complaining again. It's just been SUCH A LONG WEEK. With SO MUCH HUNGER. And anger. And hanger. I hate being hangry. I'm miserable to be around, I'm snappy and grumpy, and I want to smack myself. I'm pretty surprised I didn't get smacked by anyone this week.

We'll see if it was all worth the effort tomorrow when I weigh in. The pitch-in at work is a brunch so it's right before we weigh in--poor planning on my part. Whoops! But  seriously, if I gained this week, I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. So few Points, so much effort! I can't wait to get back on the Weight Watchers I know and love, and put this Simply Filling shit behind me.

Oh, and I'll be off the steroids in just a few days also. And my, er, womanly cycle. So I'll hopefully be back to my normal (albeit hungry) self again shortly. More awesome, less hangry.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Keyring, Token, 360...Oh My!

Many small successes today :)

Although I was scheduled to be in a two hour meeting during my Weight Watchers weigh-in, I managed to sneak out and run the half block to weigh in. Yeah, I RAN. I have not run more than two steps at a time for several years. Between my malfunctioning heart, my asthma, my COPD, and my weight, I haven't even tried to move quickly. And to top it all off, I'm still recovering from bronchitis!

Granted, what I call running, anyone watching would probably call "flailing and wildly lumbering". Well, they can suck it. I ran, dammit!

I burst into the meeting about half an hour into it, and I'm very grateful that the 360 plan started today because our meetings rarely last a full half hour. I stripped off my oh-so-heavy glasses, work lanyard, and earrings, and climbed on the scale.

Down 3.8 pounds!

I honestly don't know how that's possible. But it's true! That brought my grand total loss to 30.6 pounds.

Which means...I also reached my 10% goal today!

Keyring=awesomeness.

When I mentioned earlier that I had earned my 25 pound token, I should have elaborated that I earned it but my leader didn't have 25 pound tokens on hand last week. She had offered to give me a 75 pound token and then trade me back, but since I didn't have a keyring yet, I declined and told her I'd just grab it this week. I'm so pumped that I got both at the same time, so now no one else has to know that I earned the 25 pound token before I hit 10%. Whew. Yes, I realize that other people can probably guess that I'm still over 250 pounds, but I'd rather pretend they don't know. Now I can show off the keyring and token proudly. Very happy.

Because I had to run (well, okay, this was more like power walking) back to the other meeting, I didn't get a chance to ask or learn anything about the 360 plan. But I did get the packet and I'm excited to go through everything in detail. I love having new stuff to read :)

Now I'm officially down to 273.4 pounds, and I had to set a new goal since I hit my 10%. I decided on 250 for now--baby steps. I don't want to get too discouraged, and I figured that 250 is a good goal...plus, when I get there, I can finally buy a new scale without worrying how high it registers.

After all the excitement of getting my shiny new keyring and token, I felt pretty prepared to start the Simply Filling plan today. So far I have eaten only Power Foods today (I changed supper to a baked potato and corn with spray butter, along with a light English muffin topped with garlic powder, spray butter, and fat free cheddar--which, I admit, was actually pretty freakin delicious, even though I abhor fat free cheese). I'm about to go grab a SmartOnes chocolate chip sundae, which will still leave me with 45 points for the week.

Not a bad start for my Weight Watchers Simply Filling week!

Double Booked

I just checked my calendar for tomorrow and realized I'm not going to make it to my Weight Watchers meeting. Boo! I may have to sneak out of my other meeting to weight in. As for getting my Simply Filling questions answered, I think I'll dig through some member posts. I hate reading through posts. Seriously, I can start out looking for one topic and then it's like the Wikipedia Syndrome: see another interesting link/topic/whatever and then get sucked into the abyss for an hour. Same with YouTube. I started watching one video while I was home sick yesterday, and ended up two hours later watching Russian newscast outtakes (no, I don't speak Russian).

I really want to weigh in tomorrow so I'll have a more accurate assessment of what the steroids are doing to me (besides supposedly helping with my bronchitis). Our bathroom scale is, like, 15 pounds off. After my Wednesday meetings I usually come home and try to recalibrate it so it at least shows close to what I had weighed that day...but I don't think it works. Right now, the 'zero' is at 12 pounds. Stupid. And I have no idea if the doctor's scale yesterday was off or not. I've never gone to a meeting other than my Weight Watchers At Work meetings, so I'd feel super awkward going to a different place.

Looks like I'll have to wait until next Wednesday to see my 'roid damage!

 

I know I should just invest in a new scale but a) I don't want to get into the habit of compulsively checking my weight five times a day, which I know would happen because it's happened before, and b) I'd like to be able to walk in to the store and buy whatever scale I want, but many of them only go up to 250 pounds. That still feels really far away (okay, it IS still really far away), and I don't want to explain to my girlfriend that I can't get a certain scale because it can't accommodate someone my size. I like to believe she has no idea I'm over 250 pounds, let alone was so recently over 300 pounds. Is that something other people can tell? I'm terrible at guessing other people's weight, and terrible at comparing my body to others'. Now I just assume I'm about twice the size of everyone else in the room, which is probably pretty accurate.

It seems funny that I'm so bad at visually weighing people, or comparing their bodies to mine, when I've been doing it for so long. I distinctly remember standing in line in the hallway as a kindergartner, and watching a chubby first grader at the drinking fountain. I was trying to figure out if I was as big as her, or how much bigger she was than me, and if other people saw me the same way that I saw her. Do all kids think about that shit? That's terrible. Geez. Or do just girls think about it? Maybe just girls with younger, thinner sisters. First born girls with a competitive zeal and major insecurities. Maybe just me? I hate to think of kindergartners today sizing themselves up...but I imagine that a lot has changed in the quarter of a century since I was a kindergartner, and I bet it's even worse now. Man, that's a depressing thought.

Almost as depressing as being sick for a full week, and realizing I'm possibly going to miss my weigh in tomorrow! Oh well...I had an awesome dinner of low-fat homemade tiropita, Greek potatoes, and some mini apple pies for dessert (just a single sheet of phyllo dough, which I'd counted with my tiropita, cut into tiny squares, tucked into mini muffin tins, filled with applesauce, topped with stevia and cinnamon, spritzed with spray butter, and baked...SO GOOD). And I finally have some good cough suppressant. Time to watch Miracle on 34th Street and get excited to start my Simply Filling week tomorrow!