Overcoming My Cabin Fever

This winter SUCKS.
 

I hate the winter. I mean, it's okay for about a month. During Christmas. After that, I totally hate it. I swear every year that it will be my last winter somewhere cold, and I vow to pick up my life and flee to the warm sand of the tropics, but then every fall I find myself still in the fucking cold and facing a winter of agony.
 

This year has been worse than any I can remember. It's so fucking cold, and there's snow EVERYWHERE. It's been snowing and snowing, and then it's not melting because it's so fucking cold, and then it snows some more on top of it. I hate it. I hate it every year, but this year is even worse because...well, because I actually feel good and I want to get out and do stuff.
 

This fall was wonderful. It was warm late into the fall, and my recovery from heart surgery was going awesome. I had lost 80 pounds, gotten a new heart valve, and I was able to go on evening strolls and walk the dogs around the park and go for a day long hike for the first time in YEARS. This fall was probably the most active I've ever been, at least in my entire adult life.

 So now I feel completely trapped by the cold and the snow. For Christmas, I got an annual membership for free entry into any of our state parks, and I can't wait to go hit the trails. I even have a new walking stick I can't wait to try out! But right now, I'm stuck inside.
 

I was reading The Year of the Phoenix and she wrote about her Jawbone UP, which I thought sounded cool. With my tax return check burning a hole in my pocket, I bought one (sadly, I bought the Jawbone UP24 right before I discovered that it was not compatible with Android, so I had to cancel that and get the older UP which doesn't have wireless connectivity).
 

I was hoping the Jawbone UP would help inspire me to move a little more in the house at least, in a small effort to combat my Seasonal Affective Disorder and keep myself active. I've only been wearing it for a little over 24 hours, but I've walked around the house more in the past day than I did the previous week! Seriously, it's so fun to see my daily steps increase each time I sync my band. So I've been adding more and more steps just to see my numbers rise. Like, carrying a few things at a time from the pantry to the counter, instead of loading up my arms to only make one trip. And I'm the one offering to get up to bring us drinks. And I paced around the bathroom while I brushed my teeth. Just little tiny things to get a few more steps, things that I normally wouldn't do. I like it so far!
 

 

Oh, I've also signed up for a glassblowing class for tomorrow! And for my birthday this week, we're driving a few hours south to get out of the cold. It's supposed to be around 20 degrees warmer down there, so we're going to a cabin with the dogs and booking a few cave tours, along with a horseback ride. I haven't ridden a horse for 10 years. The last time I did, I was 250 pounds and they took one look at me and led my dainty horse away and returned with the biggest horse I've ever seen. They told me it was "sturdier." I was humiliated. This time, they asked on the phone if either of us were over 250 pounds, and it felt awesome to say, "Nope!"
 

Between the Jawbone UP, tomorrow's glassblowing adventure, and the spelunking and horseback riding this week, I think I'll manage to make it through at least a few more days of winter.
 

If it snows again, though, I can't be held responsible for my actions.

Total Loser

I cannot believe it. I actually lost this week!

I lost 5.6 pounds! And that's even after my all-inclusive (read: all-you-can-eat) vacation :)

I'm now at 255.4 pounds, for a total loss of 48.6 pounds. I'm almost to my 50 pound token from Weight Watchers!

Really, the 5.6 pound loss this week isn't quite as impressive when I remember that I gained 4.8 pounds last week. My ankles were swollen and I was on my period, so the dramatic drop this week is not really so dramatic.

Still, I'm almost to 50 pounds lost! That's pretty awesome.

I moved desks at work today and found a photograph someone had taken in May 2011. This picture is BAD. Like, I had blocked it from my memory because it was so bad. I thought I looked cute that day. I remember feeling pretty and breezy. OH MY GOD. I look like a hippo caught in a shower curtain. I don't know how I ever felt pretty when I looked so obviously horrible.

I can't stand knowing that somewhere out there is another copy of this photo. I mean, when I started Weight Watchers in August 2012, I weighed exactly 304 pounds. That's a lot. I know. I assumed that was my heaviest weight but I hadn't weighed myself in so long, there's no way of knowing. After looking at this picture, I'm positive that I weighed more than 304 pounds. Like 350 pounds. It doesn't seem possible that I could lose almost 50 pounds without knowing or trying
 (especially since I've been fighting so hard to lose the 48.6 pounds I've shed in the past six months) but that picture just cannot be of a girl who weighs  304 pounds. Then again, I'm terrible at guessing weight on myself or on anyone else. So who knows? All I know is this: I looked disgusting, I look much better now, and I never want to look like that again.

On the upside: it makes a good "before" picture!

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

I INSPIRED SOMEONE.

Whoa.

Sorry, I had to get that out.

I don't even know how it happened. My girlfriend was talking to her friend at work and the girl has started trying to lose weight. My girlfriend has been giving her updates on my progress for months, and apparently the girl said today that I INSPIRED HER.

I. INSPIRED. HER.

Honestly, I feel like I'm just barely starting out. I'm still over 250 pounds and I have a long, long road ahead of me. I still don't work out, I'm struggling to maintain my daily "Healthy Habits" with Weight Watchers, and I have around 100 MORE pounds to lose.

But apparently my shedding 46 pounds has given my girlfriend's coworker some motivation. I've never even met this girl and she makes me want to hug her. It makes me feel good. And proud. I feel like I've done a good job...I mean, when I was over 300 pounds, being in the 250-range seemed damned near impossible. I'm grateful that I'm here. I need to take a little time to appreciate being at this weight, even if some people would kill themselves if they were this big. I guess it's all relative.

Even if I have a long way to go, I've come a long way too. I never thought I'd inspire someone to be HEALTHY. I mean, that's just not me. Or I guess it wasn't me.

Maybe I really am changing.

Anyway, this girl then commented on a Facebook photo that my girlfriend posted, and people started congratulating me. You know how much I love Facebook (NOT.). But this makes it "Facebook Official."

I'm officially losing a noticeable amount of weight.

And I'm officially an inspiration :)

I feel like I need to make myself a trophy...(Totally kidding, by the way...my ego is not that big. But my head is certainly getting bigger with these compliments! Hope that doesn't show up during weigh-in next week, ha!).

Really, though, her compliments have helped make me even more determined to continue what I'm doing. It's almost like I don't want to let her down, even though she's basically a stranger to me. Well, plus I don't want everyone on Facebook to look at the photo in six months and say "Yuck, she gained all of her weight back and more!" Stupid Facebook. Still, I feel like people are noticing and now I don't want to let them down.

More importantly, though, I don't want to let myself down this time.